Second to Last Semester

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. ONE MORE SEMESTER UNTIL I’M DONE WITH MY UNDERGRAD!

Can I get a *whoop whoop*?  *WHOOP WHOOP*

Okay. Can I just say how hard this semester was?

Here’s a little recap about the hardest (but biggest growing) times of my life. Read to the end to get to the happy and not depressing stuff


the hard stuff:

• Started with one of my best friends (who was going to be my roommate) not returning to SVU
• Had a boyfriend who wasn’t supportive, didn’t have me as a priority, and pulled away. 
• The mental battle that accompanies me for collegiate goalkeeping. 
• Re-learning how hard time-management is when I’m in season, as a captain. 
• Making the decision to break up with my boyfriend, the emotional roller coaster that was, and the process of moving on. 
• A spiritual struggle like I’ve never known. I had to talk myself into going to church almost every Sunday. I made mistakes. And it was very very hard.  (BUT. My knowledge and testimony of truth never wavered.) 
• Having a professor that made my life a little hell (and lucky me I get him next semester *need attitude adjustment*)
• Having an emotional disconnect that made me care about NOTHING other than soccer for the first two months of school (which later led to me bustin’ my butt to try and save my grades)
• Incorrect coping skills with being alone, or feeling sad

the good stuff: 

• I hit some achievements that I wanted to in soccer (beating York was a highlight) 
• I made some GREAT friends on the team. And I’m so grateful for each of their experiences that has uplifted me and helped to teach me a lot. 
• I did some awesome hikes. 
• I went on some fun dates! 
• I had this burning desire to really understand The Atonement of Jesus Christ... so that’s what I’m working on now. 
• Danced my little heart out at a wedding reception. 
• I won some team awards that have really meant the world to me... because sometimes you don’t know if you’re doing the right thing or treating people the right way or being a good example or any of that. 
• Went to the movie theatre and cried a couple times. 
• My mama got to come and visit!!
• Developed a love for Diet. Dr. Pepper and Diet Coke
• Managed to somewhat salvage my grades, ended with two A’s and two B+... so my GPA is at a 3.75... not too bad I suppose. 
• I had some really really great professors that went up and over mountains to help me. 
• Went to NYC. That was dope.

the stuff I learned:

• Hard work goes a long ways... in every aspect of your life. 
• Jesus Christ’s love is always there. No. Matter. What. 
• Family is most important. 
• Order of priorities should matter and time should be allotted accordingly. 
• God puts specific people in your life for a specific reason. 
• We will endure refining fires to build us. 
• You never know what another person is going through... so always be kind. 
• This world is a beautiful place. 
• You can do hard things. 

One more semester to go. Let’s do this thing.


(Also, no rhyme or reason to the order of the pictures... too lazy to make them look good)

welcome to new york

So. Last minute decided to invite myself to go with one of my friends to New York City for Thanksgiving Break. It was way fun. And to spare myself from rambling... read on for the recap. Well, there will be a ton of rambling anyway because I had a very difficult time condensing everything we did into words.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADdKNzE1T7M


^^^
go to this link to see video evidence of our adventures

DAY ONE

• I drove the first 4 hours. They were great. I love road trips... and I love driving on road trips! 
• Update: absolutely nothing has changed... I hate traffic of any kind. 
• Okay, funny story. So. We followed google maps studiously to the apartment. Parked on the street near a 99 cent pizza place. We found the 116 street address above the apartment and proceeded to unload the car and head to the place that had a 116. Okay. SO. This 116 was definitely a Greek restaurant. There was NO doubting that. BUT. The address said 116, so we proceeded to wedge ourselves through a too-narrow doorway carrying backpacks pillows and suitcases, and asked, “... are there living spaces here...?” The host looked at us like were aliens and responded with a little condescending... “... this is a restaurant”... and then we left. Don’t worry. We found the place. 4 floors up like the movies and the smell of weed was ever-present. If I were to ever live there (which I would never) I would need to be a minimalist. 
• Subway. I have only done public transportation once. Into DC, and from the MTC to West Valley. So. The Subway. I’m every grateful for google maps that gives you minute by minute directions of how to use the public transportation. We talked to some super cool people and encountered some bat shiz crazy people. But it’s kind of cool that there is practically and underground city made up of public transportation. 
• Our first stop after dropping off our things (not at the restaurant) was Central Park. It’s way cool that there is just a park camping right in the middle of this massively busy and dirty city. I bet it is gorgeous in the summer or fall. It was still beautiful in winter, and it’s fun to see all the different people ice skating, walking, and having a good time!

• We went to the Rockefeller center... I wasn’t even really sure what it was... but the tree wasn’t lit up and it was $30 to ice skate there... so I’ll watch ELF and live vicariously through Will Ferrell. 
• We then were off to Times Square... and MAN. I didn’t know really what I was expecting. The lights were WILD. So many people! I’m ashamed to say I didn’t even really know what Times Square was... but now I do. They had a super cool soccer store called “Pele” that we spent a decent chunk of time in. Anyway. Times Square was cool. I once parted the Red Sea of Elmo’s. Interesting experience. 
• ADIDAS... okay. This store was SO cool. They had this “demo/testing” cage that we could use to test our soccer skills. We were literally in there for at least 30 minutes kicking this ball around. It was dang fun! 
• crazy homeless guy (see the quotes from day one). 
• I’m thoroughly convinced that Manhattan has three distinct smells. Garabage (because they line the streets with bags of trash), pollution (because how can a city that busy not smell like carbon emissions) and weed. I swear every 5 minutes I was hit distinctly with the smell of marijuana. Quite nauseating... and I think the smell seeped into the cotton fibers of my clothing. Anyway. 
• that night we were SO tired. 
• We had Buffalo Wild Wings for dinner and it was GOOD. I LOVE wings. I could’ve eaten more probably but it’s as SPENDY. 

Quotes from Day 1:

• Homeless man: “Life sucks, and then your grandma dies” 
• Sydney: “that was inspirational” 
• Homeless man: “I bet I’m the only one on this subway that knows trigonometry. You know why? Cuz’ it’s ROCKET SCIENCE...”
• Uri to Sydney: “... actually I know trigonometry because physics...” (shout-out thanks to Dr. Knudsen haha). 

the face you make when you've been in every
shoe store in Manhattan ahahah

DAY 2

world trade center mall (home of the Christmas tree outfit)

• Okay, so we found this parking thing online that was way cheaper than anything else we looked at (like $60 for the week vs. $150). Anyway... so we said “welp” and tried to do it anyway. It was at this sketchy garage... but we just handed over Stacy (Syd’s car) and prayed that we would see her again.  
• Convinced there is a Starbucks every two blocks.
• We decided that it would be a good day to go the 9/11 memorial. It was super solemn. It it seems very sad to be that often times what it takes to have a united nation is a country-wide tragedy. 
• Okay, cool story. We walking SOMEWHERE. And we pass this turf soccer field that is just chillin in the middle of the city. Okay, so we start kicking the ball around, just having some fun, and this kid comes up and asks if we want to do some 2v2. His name is Safir. COOLEST KID. (Like, holy crap the ability to approach strangers and become their friends... I admire that!) 
• funny story, Sydney and I were getting our BUTTS kicked at 2v2 (I think I got ‘megged 10+ times)... but at one point I was like, “okay, first to two win”... and Sydney and I won Ahahahahahahaa. 2-0. Shout baby. Ahahahaha. ANYWAY. 
• So Safir is attending school in NYC, his family is in Bangladesh, and he totally just bought all of us some super good lunch from a food truck. Such a nice kid! 

• Fun note: parking in New York is gayer than aids 
• We went to canal street, and this lady just strait whipped out her wrist trying to sell us some fake shiz. Not as funny in writing but I thought it was hilarious when it happened.

• OKAY. Another funny story. So. Our Airbnb host had mentioned that we had access to the roof... so at like 6:00 at night or so, we decided to go onto the roof. Welp, I went back over to the door to open it... and there was no way to get back down. IT WAS A ONE WAY DOOR. SO. For as far as we knew, we were stranded on top of a sketchy residence building on a roof that felt like you were going to fall through. After being up there for a while, being unable to contact the airbnb host, Sydney and Erik decided to scale down the fire stairs, walk through the back of the restaurant and return to the top of the stairs to rescue me. (I was too scared to go scale the building. *I would not make a good spiderman*) ANYWAY. OKAY. GROSS. While we were up there.. there was this corner apartment across the way.... and it had some pretty sheer glass windows... and there was this couple.... AND SHE STARTED TO UNDRESS THIS MAN. It was like live porn 🤮. *LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY*

• That night, we went and saw Frozen 2. Moving tickets were freaking $17. (luckily I had a gift card SKIRT... but still.. that’s so expensive!). And. Erik scrounged a half empty bag of popcorn out of the freaking garbage 🤢
• And. We love Kristoff. 
• And. I love Elsa. Always have. And I truly believe I always will. 🎵INTO THE UNKNOWN.🎵 
• Sydney and I didn’t go to bed until like, 2:30am. I love real talk. I love human connection. And I am grateful for Sydney Kuhni and her maturity and understanding. 

Quote from Day 2:

• “From plain wings to Arabian food.... welcome to New York” —Sydney 
• “You don’t have enough feet to wear all the shoes you have” 😂😂- lady in the store
• Sydney: “... I keep the G hairs”
• Erik: “.... what in the heck are G hairs?”
• Sydney: “.... do you know what G’s are?”
• Erik: “... like 100G?🤑🤑
• Sydney: “you got something to say?”
• Erik: “... I wear panties from Victoria Secret” 👙

DAY THREE:

• We were thriving... slept in until 9am, left at 12:30. So late, but thats okay. We were on vacation, after all. 
• Our first stop was the Brooklyn Bridge. It was pretty. New York City looks so beautiful from Brooklyn. And the bridge didn’t disappoint. It was CROWDED though. So many people. And I  think I almost got ran over by 3.5 bicyclists. (Better a bike than a car though 🤷🏽‍♀️)
• After the bridge, I wanted to check out these piers along the water front... there were soccer turf soccer fields and a bunch of cool things. Only down side was that we didn’t have a soccer ball but we saw some pretty cool dance moves from Sydney ahahah. 
• At one of the different piers, this old black man said to Sydney: “hey cutie”... CREEP ALERT.  Erik and I didn’t even hear it. Ick. *Sorry Sydney*. 
• So we decided we were going to take a ferry back to Manhattan... and we got on the wrong one that took us WAY further north than we were intending... BUT. It was SO gorgeous! We took it right at sunset and the city was lit up and it was so so so pretty. So worth it. 

• After we landed and were walking to our destination we passed by the Grand Central Station... so we popped in there to see it. Such a cool building.
• Also: I think I will have contracted lung cancer by the time I’m out of New York
• We returned to Times Square for dinner Olive Garden. I think I had 10+ breadsticks. Our waiter sucked. But... good food so it’s okay. 
• We returned to this mall to purchase this Christmas tree outfit for Sydney, but when we got back, they were ALL GONE.  😢
• We went back to Canal Street to get Erik his shoes... but they weren’t there. It was too late at night so... no shoes lol
• ⁃ Walked 8.5 miles 🍑

please, no papprazzi

DAY 4:

• Our last day in NYC. I was definitely ready to go home by now... but there were still a few things that we wanted to do! We wanted to do something regarding the Statue of Liberty, Erik wanted to get the shoes, and we needed to get the car. 
• Instead of going to any of the historical things we decided to take the Staten Island Ferry.  (SO many people tried to sell us other tickets telling us that the ferry would take 4 hours... idiots.) There was also a ton of people and while were boarding it was shoulder to shoulder... that would be the place that I would be pick-pocketed lol. Statue of Liberty was really cool. I just tried to imagine these immigrants that had been on boats for months seeing this symbol of liberty for the first time... what a sight that must have been.

• SO. To get our car from the creepy car place... we needed to get our claim ticket... and I told Sydney that I didn’t think that she would need it... because we had the receipt... but we got there and didn’t have the ticket. *Sorry Sydney*
• We went back to Canal street for Erik to get the shoes... (and it was taking FOREVER).. so Sydney decided to go back to the Airbnb by herself to get the car claim ticket, and I waited with Erik. While we were waiting on the corner for these shoes... this man full fisted some weed out of his duffel back, and started rolling it into blunts. I couldn’t look away fast enough and he caught me peepin. 
• Dark (jamaican?) man: “You want some?”
• Me:  *awkward chuckle*, “No thanks”
• DJM: “It’s free”
• Me: “Nah, I’m good”
• DJM: “It’s legal in Manhattan... you can get high”
• Me: “nah, really I’m good”
• Ahahahaha.... in hindsight I should’ve taken the weed and sold it and made some money. Lol. 
• AH. FUNNY. So on almost every subway ride we went on, we played this game. You just had to stand. You couldn’t hold on, and you couldn’t shift your feet. If you had to hold on to something or step a different way to get your balance.. you lost. I think Sydney came out on top as the ultimate winner. 👯‍♀️
• Driving home in NYC rush hour traffic is hell ahahah
• Awkward Tim Kuhni and naked Tim in towel and lover ahahaha. Funny story. *ask about it because I’m tired of typing* 

My overall thoughts about NYC?
Well. It was a great experience to do once. It’s a huge shopping scene... and I don’t really like to shop. And I didn’t really have any money soooooo... that wasn’t my favorite thing. BUT. I had a great time and honestly it was more about making memories with my friends than seeing what I saw.

regrets: being broke in NYC lol. not going to Ellis Island or any historical places. Not eating more food that is original to New York City. And getting the everything bagel with regular cream cheese.

A Little Heartbreak

Alright.

I’m writing this for the sole purpose of journaling and not much else. Not sure if I’m even going to publish it... well, I probably am because hey, can’t hurt?

Anyway.

The break up.

It was not an easy decision.

I agonized over it for weeks.

BUT.

Backing up to my return from summer; things were good. The distance had been very hard, and being back with him was like breathing a breath I’d been holding for two months.  But there was always the thought of him leaving for school in October looming over me. But I was willing to live it up for the time that we had together.

That being said, things had changed. Things were different... and I could feel it. And it was confusing for me. It was hard when words said one thing, but actions said another.

Things at some times were good, but others they were bad. And it just different.

He became distant, and while he fought some pretty intense personal demons I fell further down on the priority list. And I 100% supported his fight, and a fight it was, to better himself. But as he became all consumed with this battle, the words “I love you” became hollow because I no longer seemed to matter. His time was no longer loaned to me, but forced for a date every now and then when there was ample time to spend together.

It was hard because it seemed all the things he had told me and promised me became a lie, but I know that isn’t fair because people change and desire change.

Anyway.,

Breaking things off with someone you’re still in love with hurts like hell. But once I had made the decision, it was crystal clear that it was time and that it was the right thing to do.

It could have been because I cared too much, it could have been because I wanted too much, it could’ve been because I wouldn’t go further physically with him, it could’ve been because the seriousness of the relationship was too much or too real, could’ve been that his demons were too strong to fight for both. Honestly though, the truth is that I won’t really know. And that’s okay. I knew how I wanted to be treated in a relationship, I knew I wanted communication. I knew I wanted someone who was “all in” when they said they were. And although I was willing to fight the demons with him, it seemed they were too much for him to do both.

Sometimes I wonder if I gave up too soon, didn’t have enough patience or mercy... but I think of the clarity when I finally made the decision and that keeps me grounded.

I learned a lot through the course of the relationship. And although it hurt, and lots of tears were shed,  I don’t regret it any of it.

Alright, it’s out there.

P.S.

The song “Closure” by Hayley Warner is 10/10 my break up song.