"Surprises, Not Disappointments"
Even though the team had it's own motto for this year, "First Things First"... Partway through the season I came up with one for myself.. My own personal motto that kept me constantly trying to become better:
"Surprises, Not Disappointments".
I'm not quite sure how it came about... but I had this theory that if I put in enough extra work behind the scenes and do everything within my power to understand what my coaches were asking of me and try to put it to use... that I would keep surprising them and not disappointing them. I don't know which one I would tend to lean towards but either way it kept me motivated-especially with this season.
Alright, so I am finally back in BV after a long (but good) summer home. Year two of college soccer rolls around. I'm stoked, I'm excited, and I cannot contain how ready I feel to tackle this years competition. I feel like I am slowly starting to understand what it means to play a defensive back. I felt like my touch was getting slightly better, I was getting slightly faster, and I felt like I had a solid grip on where my life was going and what I was doing (at least in my world of soccer). Life was good.
Then, one practice we were doing a finishing drill and coach was calling people to come and play in goal. Due to some injuries (and later a lacerated Kidney and a week in a hospital) we were short on goalies. He called Anne (probably the smallest girl on the team) and called a few other girls to go in goal. .... They weren't the best (sorry Anne)... but it gave us some comic relief. Jokingly I yelled, "Coach put me in! I want to try". So with a little reluctance in his voice I heard, "Sure, Uri". So I sprinted over to the goal and donned Kenzie's (Keeper coach, previous BOMB SVU Keeper, and former teammates) sanctified gloves. Right before I got in goal Randi (pain in the butt but awesome assistant coach and previous SVU center back) muttered, "I wouldn't put any bet's on Uri...".............. WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! Let me tell you... that lit a fire under me and I was DETERMINED to prove Randi wrong. I still don't know if that was the worst of the best decision of my life.... I prefer not to think about it.
Well, these girls are taking shots and I'm just moving around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to not let anything get into the goal. It was fun. I had a good time. I enjoyed it because you know, I was just messing around. Having fun. You know, like we all do. After practice after we had cleaned up I was walking with Kenzie and Coach and Kenzie asked coach, "So I get Uri for keeper training tomorrow, right?"....... Coach responded in the affirmative.
I stopped walking and looked at him, "Are you serious?"
"100%".
I think I felt my stomach drop to the hole that Satan lived in. I don't know why... because honestly it has been so fun and fulfilling... but I was terrified. I liked being good at what I did, and I finally felt like I was starting to get close to that point in the defensive line... and I knew that I was going back to level 1 with goal keeping. This was going to be fun. (Note the VERY thick sarcasm)
The next day, I started training with Kenzie and Mel. And holy crap. I was thrown into a whole different realm of soccer that I never knew even existed. And let me tell you... everything that a goalkeeper does has some sort of significance. Every. Single. Thing. The way they throw the ball, when they throw it verses when they roll it, where they punt it, how they dive, when to dive, which knee goes towards the ground, the "w" that your fingers make along the ball when you catch it, throwing your knee, a quick shuffle, coming off your line, being a drop option, etc. etc. etc. Now try to internalize all that within a two week period. Okay, maybe I had a little more than two weeks to understand all of this... but still.... ( And maybe this was starting to make sense around month two...maybe)
The games start coming. I still feel like a chicken with my head cut off but I am starting to get a little bit more comfortable. Not good, just slightly more comfortable. The only problem is that I didn't feel like I was progressing as I should be, or as fast as the team needed me to be. Games kept coming. And goals kept going in. It is a goalkeepers job to stop the ball from going into the back of that net... and I wasn't doing that. 0-5 losses. 0-7 losses. 0-8 losses. Too many times where I didn't succeed in my position. Too many times when I was a disappointment to the team.
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| FREAKING LOVE HER |
You know, the hardest part about it all wasn't the idea of throwing myself on the ground to stop a ball. It wasn't the idea of punching some girl in the face in order to get it out of your 18 yard box. It wasn't the mis-coordinating of my body so I would slam into the post (which happened more times than I care to admit)
The hardest part was my mental game. It has always been my biggest weakness and now I was being thrown into a position where my biggest weakness NEEDED to become my greatest strength.
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| I'm pretty sure she scored that one... |
To go back a little bit- the first few weeks of keeper training, my emotions were all over the place. I wanted to be what the team needed, and I wanted to listen to the coaching staff, but my heart was on the field. I was afraid of losing skill I had gained over the summer. I was afraid of never being good enough. I felt as if there was a lot of pressure on my shoulders to perform well, and I was suffocating myself with all the things that were running through my head.
I know I already said this, but my mental game has always been my weakest link. It's funny how the Lord will twist events in your life so that He can make "weak things become strong". The Lord did not want me in my comfort zone... that is for sure. All I knew is that I would have to humble myself in order for Him to help me. The Lord took the weakest part of me and put me in a position where I would have no other option but for it to become strong. Karma sucks people.
The main thing and probably the only thing that kept my mental game on track(at the least the times that is was on track) was the love I have for this team and for this program. I love the girls on the team. They are my family. I love the coaching staff. I trust them completely. I knew that if I tried my best- that was all I could ask of myself. Trusting that doing my best would be enough, I trudged forward.
The season passed, games kept coming... and this season was not what I expected to be. I don't think it was what anyone was expecting it to be. We didn't get the results that we wanted. We had injury upon injury. We had concussions, lacerated kidneys, sprained ankles, hurt hips, etc. We lost games. Our record was awful. But this was a year for learning and for growth, and oh man did I learn a ton.
One of the biggest things I have learned from this experience and this season... is never under-estimate the power of the mind.
Partway through the season I suffered from an injury to my ribs. (Either a fracture or something with the cartilage, or maybe just a muscle strain). Either way, every time I would dive on that side it was an explosive pain... even doped up on 1600mg of Ibuprofen. Let me tell you, not only do you have to mentally push through the pain, the agony and the aching that never seems to leave, but you have to push through the idea that the pain is going to hold you back. I had to tell myself over and over that the pain would be worth the save. I was constantly repeating in my mind "It doesn't hurt, just do it. It doesn't hurt, just do it." until I reached a point that I would do it without considering the pain it would cause. You mentally have to get past the point that if even if it hurts, even if is frustrating, you can do it.
Mentally, I had to know everything about the game. I had to be able to see the game and then direct the team according to what I saw. I had to mentally be prepared for every type of shot. I had to be prepared for break-away's. I had to be prepared for a chip shot. I had to be prepared for anything. And then I had to execute it. When goals got scored I had to pick myself up mentally and fix problems. (That one I wasn't so good at). Either way, everything I did had to have a mental process attached to it. I learned that soccer is a game of the mind. Soccer is a game for smart people- and I learned that the hard way.
The second most important thing that I learned from this season and this experience is to never give up.
Losses are hard. Especially when you know that you could've done better, that you could've performed better. I left every lost game feeling like I wasn't enough. I wasn't enough for this team. I couldn't be what this team needed, and it killed me. I loved this team, and I hated not being enough for them. I hated it.
Sometimes that feeling would last for twenty minutes, and sometimes it would last for a few days. Sometimes after games I wanted to quit. I wanted to be done. I wanted to throw it in and say "I quit. Sorry guys. Sorry that I wasn't enough. I'm sorry."
People around me had started talking about giving up. They mentioned how with all the trials that we had faced this season that all we could do was learn from them and move on. There was talk about how there was no way we could win against the harder teams-- and that dug like a knife. It hurt because I felt like my inadequate skills were the reason for them giving up. But how could I blame them? Even I wanted to give up because of my failures to the team. Each time coach talked about the letdowns and unsuccessful moments for the team- those moments were mine.
I went into every single game believing that we could win. Each times I put on those gloves, I needed to believe that I could stop goals. I had to think that way or the game would be lost before I even stepped out onto the field. The only problem is that when we lost- I took it that much harder. Something that Kenzie has told me (and I suck at) is that I need to learn how to become emotionally unattached to a point that I can analyze and logically solve problems that will fix the play on the field and my play in goal... oh man do I SUCK that. Every reason that I am out on that field has some emotional aspect to it.. and the unfortunate losses that we frequently encountered only heightened those emotions.
Now, I know that I took most things way too personally and over-analyzed everything. I get that... but that was the way that it felt to me. And I'm not telling you this because I want pity or a "poor me", but I want you to be able to understand what was going on for me mentally in order for you to get why this season was so monumental.
When I was done with my own personal pity party I always came to the same conclusion. The only thing I could do was work harder to become better. My best wasn't good enough so I had to do something about it. If I hated the feeling I got after those games... I had to eliminate it. There was only one way to do that. My resolution every day was to work harder than the day before to become better than the day before. I couldn't control a lot of things, but I could control how much effort that I put out onto the field. I had to focus on what I could control and do my best to fight against the things I couldn't. So yes, it was hard... but don't give up. If you give up then you most likely aren't going to learn anything from the experience and all of the suffering will be for naught. There is a purpose in trial and a purpose in adversity.
This season was personally the hardest season I've ever played in. There seemed to be trial after trial and things didn't ever seem to work out in our favor. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. But even through all the awful times and the days where I wanted to give up-- I learned so much about myself and maybe started to get an idea of what it truly means to be a team player. I learned an innumerable amount of lessons. Lessons applied on the soccer field, but more importantly- off of the field. The Lord knew I would need these lessons, but unfortunately it seemed to come at the expense of the team. I learned to love goalkeeping. I was surprisingly emotional taking off those gloves for the last time. And even though it was hard, and I struggled emotionally, mentally and physically through most of the season... I'm going to miss it like crazy. I love this sport with everything inside me. There's nothing like getting to play soccer six days and week and do it with your best friends.
I know that God is constantly aware of my life- even if it does revolve around soccer. He knows the things that He wants to accomplish through me. This season may not have been what I wanted it to be, but the Lord knows what He is doing and its up to me to trust Him.
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There are no words for how much I admire this girl!!
Rachel, I love the crap out of you and am looking forward
to playing with you in the spring! |
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It's weird how you can all come from different places around the world just to play a sport but within a short amount of time
you become best friends and you don't know how you will survive life after college without them |
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| SQUAD FOR LIFE! |
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| Notice how coach stands an awkward distance away ahahaha |
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| There's nothing like being able to play college soccer with your best friend |
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Shout out to this girl for being one of my biggest cheerleaders!
I may not have very much skill but at least this six year old believes in me
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Also shout out to this blondie for being the most awesome and rad sideline supporter.
Freaking adore these kids. |
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| An overtime win always calls for a dogpile. |
Real quick I just want to give a shout out to Kenzie for being the most awesome coach ever. From having you as a teammate to having you as a coach... I got the best of both worlds! Yes, I know this season and the circumstances we were in was hard to watch for many reasons... but you always believed in me (or if you didn't- you did a good job of making me thing you did). You did your best to make a goalkeeper out of this hippo-gymnast (that's me) and you never gave up on me. "Kid Keeper Camp" was fun. It challenging- both mentally and physically... it was awesome, and pretty cool I guess. I'm going to miss you!! And by the way....you always give the best motivational speeches. I'm sorry for all the times that I listened too intensely and made you lose your train of thought. ;) Thanks for pushing me to be the best I could be. You're the best.
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Shout out to Randi for being an awesome coach and friend. You get my sense of humor,
I appreciate your 100% sarcastic disposition, you always say what I need to hear
even when I don't want to hear it. You rock and you have no idea how much you are going
to be missed next year! |
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| Family from Day 1 |
^^^^So much love and respect for this coaching staff.^^^^
Soccer is life.
Put the needs of the team first. Put the team first. You can do anything that you put your mind to. And don't ever forget that the Lord will be there with you through it all. He will make weak things become strong (or at least stronger) and every trial in your life serves to further His purposes. Trust your team, trust your coaches, and trust Him.
Until next year CAC.
~First Things First~
