My procrastination is going to kill me. I started my homework. I worked on it for a couple hours. I took a break at 7:00... I laid on the floor in my dorm with it completely dark and listened to music. FOR 12 HOURS!!!! What is wrong with me??? Where is the motivation that I so freely had the day before? Well, all that time I had a lot of time to think... Here is what was rolling through my mind:
(Note: Not for those who have a tendency to question their faith. Or for those who are offended by such questions)
One of the things that I couldn't seem to get off my mind, is that we each have a specific purpose in this life. We each have the lives that we are supposed to touch, and we are supposed to be instruments in the Lord's hands to help change the lives of others. We each are responsible to share the gospel with those around us, and to help change others whom we care about. What about when we go astray? What about when we choose a different path than the one that the Lord intended for us to take? What about those souls then? Do we doom them because we failed to keep our end of the bargain? These questions seemed to haunt my mind as the music blared in my ears and the darkness swallowed me.
I was texting a couple of friends about this and this is the amazing advice that I got from one of them:
"God wants us to do our part to reach our divine destiny... to reach His plans for us. But sometimes our choices take us away from His plan... Sometimes we make mistakes & those take us off the path He has intended for us. There's always hope for those who have fallen away though.. God gas us the greatest gift of all. Jesus Christ. We have the atonement." This didn't really answer my question... it actually raised a few more. But she goes on to say:
"Push those demons away.. tell them to leave your mind! I even do this out loud! I tell them to go away & leave me alone. 'Get thee hence Satan'. You say that. And then I pray.. I pray a lot... Fervently. I pray for comfort and guidance and sometimes talk to the bishop... Don't procrastinate your repentance."
Again, my questions weren't answered.
"Do not let Satan or anything tear you down or make you feel like you're not worth anything! You are worth everything!"
So here is the conclusion that I came to through her words.
It is our job to do our best. We need to worry about our own eternity before we start worrying about someone else's. My devoutly Christian friend told me: "God's plan for us is to be with him. What we do, our choices, that push us away from God. God is always there with His arms open. Its our choice to walk away from them and choose the life of sin. It is not our responsibility to change peoples lives, its God's. We are instructed to be a light and a witness. That's it. If it were up to us to change people then we would take credit for it." I think that is true. We each have the decision to make whether we are going to accept Christ into our lives, or not. All of our choices are what is going to testify to other people. That being said, we each need to be doing our best to be disciples of Christ. Our choices are what is going to be that testament. Our choices are what is going to bring us back to our Father.
Even though my mind rambles and rants, I seem to come closer to Christ through my internal struggles. That means something, right?
I absolutely adore this song. I can't wait for the day when I get to wrap my arms around Christ's neck and say, "Thank you". When I can say it face to face, and look into his eyes and know that He loves me completely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_lrrq_opng
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